Things Clive Everton would never say

Holden Chinaski wrote:Selt screwed up there.

Pink Ball wrote:Welcome to a new thread I hope will prove very popular on here. Clive Everton is one of the greatest minds in snooker history, and he is easily the game's most naturally eloquent commentator. So let's imagine he's in commentary and takes everyone aback by using some of the crude analysis we provide here.

Let's get the ball rolling with this:

Holden Chinaski wrote:Selt screwed up there.

Wildey wrote:OMG that was not a bucking re rack you cant make this rubbish up

HustleKing wrote:Day you donkey

Iranu wrote:

Wildey wrote:OMG that was not a bucking re rack you cant make this rubbish up

Iranu wrote:(I’ll basically be searching Wild’s post history for this.

Strap in.)

Pink Ball wrote:What do you expect from a man who sails the high seas in the quest for treasure?

SnookerFan wrote:Bloody hell.

I'd better get some drinks in.

SnookerFan wrote:This frame sucks.

SnookerFan wrote:Yeah, Milkins ain't winning this.

SnookerFan wrote:For those of you with a slow stream, one player in one of the matches just won a frame.

SnookerEd25 wrote:Clive is commentating with Murphy, who makes some smart-arsed comment

“Why don’t you fuckk off, Shaun?”

Iranu wrote:How about you go buck yourself?

Wildey wrote:omfg Neil forgot his bucking cue he had to go back for it.

imagine his kids going shopping with him

Holden Chinaski wrote:This thread is gold already.

Pink Ball wrote:He played badly for two sessions, kept himself in touch, found form at exactly the right time, then decided to send nudes to the Queen when he met a minor setback.

Prop wrote:

Holden Chinaski wrote:This thread is gold already.

It’s brilliant. I remember being absolutely off my tits on something years ago and coming up with the idea of a Fred Dibnah documentary where he’s horrifically foul-mouthed. This scratches the same itch.

Johnny Bravo wrote:Nowadays, the world no 80 can beat the WN1. Snooker has progressed in depth.

Wildey wrote:buck off you twiddling runt

Pink Ball wrote:Right, I'll out myself. This happened after Ronnie O'Sullivan started lashing out at the balls in the 2020 semi final v Selby.

Pink Ball wrote:He played badly for two sessions, kept himself in touch, found form at exactly the right time, then decided to send nudes to the Queen when he met a minor setback.

Holden Chinaski wrote:

Prop wrote:

Holden Chinaski wrote:This thread is gold already.

It’s brilliant. I remember being absolutely off my tits on something years ago and coming up with the idea of a Fred Dibnah documentary where he’s horrifically foul-mouthed. This scratches the same itch.

I love Fred Dibnah.

Iranu wrote:Clive discusses the current state of snooker with his co-commentator:

Johnny Bravo wrote:Nowadays, the world no 80 can beat the WN1. Snooker has progressed in depth.

Wildey wrote:buck off you twiddling runt

Prop wrote:This is bucking glorious if you really make the effort to read it in Clive’s voice

Iranu wrote:Clive discusses the current state of snooker with his co-commentator:

Johnny Bravo wrote:Nowadays, the world no 80 can beat the WN1. Snooker has progressed in depth.

Wildey wrote:buck off you twiddling runt

Scooper wrote:No more Marteel? Damn, just when I was starting to like him.

Iranu wrote:Let me grab my anal beads and I’ll be right on there.

mantorok wrote:I’m having chicken and chips for dinner.

Wildey wrote:
you cant say GROW NOW and it grows

Holden Chinaski wrote:I’ve never seen anyone who can pull a face as smug as Murphy can. It’s like he’s a brilliant actor in the role of a smug bastard.

Prop wrote:

Holden Chinaski wrote:I’ve never seen anyone who can pull a face as smug as Murphy can. It’s like he’s a brilliant actor in the role of a smug bastard.

Dan-cat wrote:

Wildey wrote:
you cant say GROW NOW and it grows